Birthdays

Its funny..
when I was little..
and even not that little..
my birthday was my one accomplishment of the year..
and if anyone forgot it..
they were the pits to me..
I think I lost my sensitivity this year..
lol
It didn't matter who didn't remember...
it mattered to me who did..

My lil bro singing to me on my cell..
I've listened to it many times..
it's so cute..
and my big bro who remembered early..
and told me he loved me to bits..

that's what and who that mattered..
those who DO honor me in life..and do me the honor of loving me,
and giving me the honor of loving them..

to bits..
I love you guys..
*HUGS*

Winter

Brrrr.....

It hasn't snowed THIS much yet..

but the weekend isn't over yet..

I took this pic prolly 2 years ago..

it's my backyard..

just after a great snow..

it may look like fluff..

and fun..

but I remember..

BRRRRRRR

:)

Kids'n' Christmas

I love this pic of my kids..

This was Christmas Eve probably 4 years ago.

Every year I take a pic of them,

either at the tree..

beside the table..

in a pose of some sort..

but this one is just the happiest memory!

We had been to Christmas Eve service..

unwrapped our presents..

Seth picked up his guitar and we all started to sing..

I can't put a finger on just what songs..

but we sang and sang..

I loved that night..

and love them with all my heart!

Christmas memories cont.

When I was 7 we moved to Hampton..
must have been a mid fall move, perhaps even
mid year..
but I remember being Mary that year in Iowa Falls..

I had a blue robe on, soft..very soft, but it smelled like soap..
clean and fresh..
funny how you remember the smells..
and the program was in the basement of the Episcopal Church
in Iowa Falls..
Fresh evergreen smells..candles burning...

I was so proud to be Mary..I had a dress on, with tights on, warm warm tights..and
my little red buckle shoes..

my feet were SO wide that my shoes had to be specially ordered, and they came in the
softest red...bling for a 7 year old at the time..

The soft blue robe draped up over my head like you think of Mary..
softly covered in blue..
and under the robe in the folds..
I carried a little doll..
soft soft plastic with a molded head..
and in the course of the play,
after walking so proudly past all the congregation..

the narrator said..

And Mary brought forth a son..
from the folds of that soft blue robe..
came the little soft molded doll, and I just remember the cuddly time of having Jesus
so close..
and being so proud..

And even now..
I'm still proud to have Jesus in my life..
....only he holds me close at times now..
and he still smells so clean..
:)

The star..

This time of year is such a reflection for me..

It takes me back to a moment in time that is very..

very hard even to this day to talk about..

but yet..it's such a wonderful moment of time..

In our family every year, for as long as I could remember..

we would wake up on Christmas morning and just be SO excited..

giggly excited, the shaky oh my goodness what did Santa bring us

excited! so one of us..usually one of the older siblings would go down the stairs..

ever so quietly..

and turn the corner to the left..

and not even DARE, I mean close your eyes and make a scrambling run for it, and not to be blinded by God even ,moment, it was that spectacular..

Not to glance in the living room at the wonderous

sparkling, magnificent tree..

and slip around the corner to my parents bedroom..

and whisper..

Mooom...Daaaad..it's Christmas and I think Santa was here! and they would say go

wait on the stairs..and we would hear a groan and a giggle as we lined up on the stairs in order of age..yawning and shivering all excited at what could be there..

Oh the youngest was always at the bottom,

so the littlest Sweet could see the wonder of Christmas first..

I can still hear and remember an Oooooo..OOoooooo my ...and we would gasp and head for the tree..

shaking and rattling packages, brightly colored packages, blues, with silver bows, red with gold..oh it would just take your breath right away..

my dad had the movie camera and its bright lights going sometimes..to capture such a moment!

And then my brother and I would help pass out packages to their rightfull owners..

it just helped expand the shear wonderfullness of it all..

then from the youngest to oldest we would open one gift..and say OH WOW, oh look what she got and just look at your presents..debating on which to open..

and yet to be so excited for your sibling and their gifts..sharing it all..holding it all so close..

And then,,

It was December 1970..

My mother had passed away on October 7,

I was 12 at the time, my brother just 10

and then I was 13..my brother had just turned 11 at Christmas time..

We hadn't thought too much about Christmas that year, only

that it would be Christmas..it was on TV, everyone talked about it at school

of course..but at home..well we were trying..

it was cold and very snowy that year.

There weren't any cookies baked that year..

I had only just started learning to cook at 13..Not because I wanted to..

but because I had to..

Oh the tree was up..we did the best we could my brother and I..trying to hang

the ornaments just as we always had..

I remember this little set of birds..he in a tuxedo and top hat, she in a feathery dress..and rhinestones..I loved that little set of birds..and our stockings..

I can remember when they were made when Cubby was just a tiny baby..all were made

of green felt, sewed and pinking sheared along the edges, with our names in glitter on them,

I can remember shutting off the lights in the house and just sitting

in the middle of the living room floor watching the twinkling lights..

and thinking of years past..the wonder..the magic..how I wished for

magic to happen..just to go back and have it normal again..

I wanted a Christmas wish so bad, I just wanted Mama there

to just be there again..my brother and I really didn't understand much then..

no one told us she wasn't coming home from the hospital..

she just didn't..

There wern't any presents under the treethat year

..our dear Sweet father in his deep heart breaking grief,

.....had kind of forgotten about Christmas that year..but we were brave about it..

we knew that somehow..just somehow Santa wouldn't forget ..it would be ok..

And then it was Christmas Eve ..

and it was such a snowy December, there was alot of snow on the rooftops, and I kept thinking to myself..remember the magic..just remember, never forget what Christmas is..and was to us.

My bedroom was behind my brothers..on the second floor,

so I was to the north end of the house,

he to the south,

and then I woke up to a sparkling light...

I blinked..

and blinked again..

it looked like magic outside..

I crept into Cubby's room..

and woke him up..

I whispered.....Cubby look..just look..

and we opened his window..

and pulled in the screen..

and craned our necks. our blond heads hanging out that second floor window..

the air so crisp..so cold...

....we could see..we could see...

the most wonderous sparkling star..

and we both just gasped..and looked in wonder..

And we both just knew that Mama had sent us that star that year..

and in the morning...

we both woke up..

and in the tree..

were 2 envelopes..

each with our names on them..

with little pictures of bikes..

and skates..just what we wanted..with a note that the gifts would be a bit late this year..

and left with so much love by a greiving father that did remember that year..

it's one neither my brother or I will ever forget..

Family is?

Just what is family..
is it that you are related by blood?
You were born of the same mother?
You share a father?
You have been close since time began?
You know more about them then their own sister or brother?


It's all of the above..
and it doesn't make losing someone any easier..
blood or not...

I miss you Deb..

Pasts

Isn't it odd...that your past life can come crashing into your present life? and they do ok..it's just like a wave that passes over you and then it's gone.
It doesn't happen alot, but this last week with the birth of Ryleigh, and the death of my step-mother..it seems that..
..life has a way of..
..co existing with the past..
.. in comes one life..
out goes another..
odd..
but cathartic really.

New baby !!

Well here's the deal..
I have this beautiful new grandson...born 8/16/08
I mean he's just the sweetest, cutest, and most precious..and yes I am biased!!
I haven't seen him since he was just hours old, but come Friday..I'm all over it!
He weighed 9 lbs 12 oz at birth, 22 inches long, black curly hair, blue eyes and even dimples!
My daughter did have a c-section after many many ( over 24 hours ) of labor,
she and baby and daddy are doing great tho..

aha!

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Diet Pepsi in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Feels like..

there are times that no matter what is said..
it's taken the wrong way..
it can never be a good thing.
I would love to be happy over things like having
a baby shower,
or being engaged..
or just being me,
but then you have people that just
can't see you being happy.
and they yell
and they make you feel like crap.
so what is the point?
keep your heart closed to the world.
it's heartless out there.

Dejavu

whoa...talk about taking a person in a time warp...

T'nite I went to my grandson Tanner's spring band
concert at the middle school..
we had JUST sat down..
and this woman walks over..
she's smiling ear to ear..
so I smile back..
she says..

Cindi??
Yes....
wow really, I saw that face and said..well there's Cindi.
I must look dumb founded..lol
so she says..oh you don't know who I am..
think back..
back to 5th and 6th grade..
ZIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPP
and I'm back there...
looking into the face of MY OWN 5TH GRADE BAND TEACHER.
I can see myself clutching my clarinet on a day I didn't practice..nervous as hell.

she says..Mrs Shelton...your own 5th and 6th grade teacher..
KER THUD
LOL
I was like...whoa..lol
So I say...well I'll be..
she says do you have a 5th grade child here??
well sort of I say..my grandson.lol seems her
grandson is ALSO in the band..
she tells my son that she has stories and for 20 bucks she'll spill..
LOL
Steve is scrambling for his wallet..
the man never carries cash, I wasn't worried..
but how odd was that?

2nd Happy mom day to you

Well my middle son called me and made supper for me..
and let me tell you..
I am so proud of his culinary skills!!
I didn't get off of work until well after 8 pm...and he kept a
plate warm for me, ahhhh it was just heaven..



The spoiler of my day..
didn't hear from my man..
at all
not one word..didn't even call me to wish me a Happy Mothers day.
he did drive into town and buy some groceries..
so I know he was in town..
6 more blocks and he could have stopped and told me in person.

uh....scuse me..but I may not have birthed YOUR children..
but I did birth some..
and I do take care of yours..
adds up to me..
there was however a card on the table. cold supper on the stove..
which I had to put away..
oh and a lite on..and it was 9:30.
I may have to re-think this whole marriage thing..
I deserve SOME respect..
don't I??

Happy Mother's day

Happy Mother's day to all who ARE mother's..
will be mother's
...or have had a mother, and that would juuuuuuuust about include anyone alive today.lol

My daughter first surprised me today..well I knew she and her hubby were coming up..
but she brought the most beautiful card..
she always does..
she's wonderful that way....a Hallmark daughter really.
she says it all with them and I treasure each and every one that I have ever gotten
from her..because sometimes cards have to say the words that are in your heart.

and this time next year, she will be a mother herself!! and have 9 months of
experience at it.lol So I can't wait for her to be able to experience it..her hubby is just the most patient and loving soul to her..really a perfect match.

and then my youngest called too, he was on his way to town for a party..lucky for him. he called his mother..

and would be coming by..which I hadn't expected at all.

and they did come, they are all dressed for a black and white birthday party..
they are just the sweetest couple together, I wish you could see
the whole picture, she's all legs.lol we all had such a good time talking, and laughing..I miss those times,
they just don't come often enough..
and I haven't heard from my middle son just yet....
*sigh*
..but tomorrow isn't here yet..:)

Mothers are a true wonder ...
and until you don't have one..
you don't realize how much you
need one..
I miss mine every single day..

oy...

what a bummer I was on when I typed my last blog..
I guess it just needed to be typed by me..
but onward..and upward..
its just been a trying few weeks..
and it's not looking bright and sunny for today..

and I do love the sun!! it makes me want to dig in..
and clean..
and that from the woman that believes with all her heart that
dust is a protective coating...
:)
so..I'll go look at dryers..wheeeeeeeeeeee
mine took a dive after the basement had 5 inches of rain in it..
and then to find out that if a pipe had burst over the dryer..
it would be covered..
but just because 5 inches came in due to the rain...
it has no coverage..no replacement.

I would think they would happily pay for rain over a pipe burst..
but who am I to judge that, I just have to make sure that the next time a pipe leaks..or bursts..
I will need to move my dryer or any other appliance that is on it's last leg..hee hee
lol

I hate death..

When a close friend dies..
when parents of close friends die..
it's just sad..
no other words..
besides
heart breaking..
loss..tears..hugs and memories

wishing that kids didn't have to experience it.
ever..
wishing none of us did..
unrealistic..
but true
*sigh*

Links

How really appropriate that the "Links" was our meeting place this last week for our lil group.

We were missing a few..and gained a couple..

Which ever they were, they were missed..

... and enjoyed!!!

Just got the group pic in my email this morning..

my eyes have disappeared..

but I think..that shows that I was laughing sooooooooooo

hard they had no choice....

that's just me..

all beautiful smiling women...

what you can't hear is..

the laughter..

again...absotivley priceless!!

By the time dinner was done..the rest of the patrons of the place...

had gone, here we are, alone in the place..lol

but what I heard from the bar..

man they must be enjoying themselves, they haven't stopped

laughing for a loooong loooong time in there..

hee hee

I'm still gigglin'..

Priceless

You just can't beat long time friends..it's honestly impossible...

they, the close ones..well maybe you weren't all that close..

but now you can

re-connect..you still have shared times, memories, and laughs..

they know something about you,

that NO ONE else would ever find funny,

ever, not ever, even if you TRIED to tell your significant other about it, they wouldn't see

the humor..

or have shared a sad time with you, whether it be a death of your brother's car that you perhaps shouldn't have been driving when you were 17...an the car barely lives..oh but the memory lives on..for a LONG time it will..

you have special times that no one else knows about, and even

then, maybe you don't remember every detail...but oh they do, and will help you just relive every moment of it whether you really want to or not!

and to share those moments..again..and laugh so hard that you

KNOW you are about to pee your pants..and even then ..

they understand, and can laugh with you about that too..

those are precious people..

they are most precious..

to me.

PMS

PMS can stand for so many things..

Provide Me with Sweets
Psychotic Mood Swings
Perpetual Munching Spree
Plainly Men Suck

those are just a few..lol
I think I'm just having the back to work blues..
putting in 40 hours in 3 days..
that sucks..

onward...
*sigh*

the Caribbean

the flowers were fantastic, and they were everywhere

..they put fresh ones in the room every day, the colors were more than in the crayon box of 64!!

Re-orientation

How does one re orient themselves after traveling half way across the world...

a world that was sunny, warm and the calmest blue...

back to cloudy..rainy and cold..

*sigh*

it is a must, but the memories shall survive, along with pictures and warm thoughts.

thats what shall help me wait for the warm to enter our own world here in the north...

I suppose if you lived there in St Croix, the warm would seem tiresome, oldhat, never changing.

ha ha ha

I doubt that..