Seasonings

Here it is, the season of our Lord..
the anniversary of his birth..
Joy...I love him..

But I wish I had the spirit of Christmas this year..
I don't know where it is..
I need to find it...
Its like it has been pulled out of my heart this year..
but why..oh why???

Could it be that it's just hiding..waiting..

I hope so..
I miss it..

You are..

back..
you are here now..
I missed how you felt against me..
when I am sleeping..
how we breathe in sync..
the scents..
how you smell right after a shower..
how you toss in the right amount of spice..
in whatever you cook..
the twinkle in your eye..
how when you laugh hard..
it's catchy..
please stay and love me this time..
like you should have always done..
I love you.

Feeling the calm..

So the calm I have in my heart..is so ..so..face it .it's calm.lol
I am not missing the drama..
the loudness..
the tenseness..

so do I let you come back into my heart again..
good gawd..
I don't know.

Down 3..

So I'm now down 3 more pounds..YAY!
That's about a pound a week..it's been 3 weeks since I have been to the dr.
Today she put in about 1/2 cc of NS. which was like pst. and in. lol

So we shall see..felt a little nauseous right after..but am sipping on chicky broth as I type before work..so far so good..
I hope I'm not starving by morning..

10 years and 10 days

I have always been a numbers person..I see things numerically, yeah I know..ODD.lol

but I do..

Like my birthday, 12-21-57

12, reverse it, 21 and 5+7 =12

So now..I see it with him, 10 years and 10 days..exactly.

How odd that it would end with that..

We began on a Valentine's day in 2001, our first date..and ended 10 years and 10 days after that. wow.

Feb. 14, I always called it our anniversary..a celebration of our love and I did love him so...from the very beginning..he made me smile like no other..made my heart sing..for awhile anway..

and really it was our anniversary.. until 2004, that was the day when I opened the door, expecting flowers, and it was someone with divorce papers ..delivered from his WIFE that I didn't know about..that clouded the anniversary part if you can imagine.

What part of " I won't date you if you are married or seperated didn't you understand?"

Sheesh

I tried to find another day for us..but it wasn't to be..he decided to have an affair instead..so again, it took the day away..

But I kept pluggin' away..why did I think I could change him..?

So now he's gone, headed back to Arkansas, and that's where he belongs..really. He's happy there..he's warm there and he can be lonely there too..

I have no more anniversary days for him..

Good bye my love, good bye...I wish you well..and hope you find what it is you are looking for, because it's obviously not me..

and I'm not looking for you any more either.

:)

Over indulging

UGH, Valentines Day..which should be an awesome day..

was just disappointing, just like this whole last year.lol BUT not going to

dwell on it..look forward only, I can't change the past..right?

So I guess I over indulged..I at a nice large brownie when I got home from work this morning..

I had no problem eating it..

Me thinks I should go get a fill..

I got up after my long nap, had a bit of coffee with fat free creamer..

then got busy on the Wii. I did 4 songs on Just Dance, sweat sweat sweat!!

then did 25 minutes of the exercising..

I have only had yogurt since..and my water..

Look forward only...never back..

Happy Valentines Day!

Today is the day that you share your heart..
here is mine..
love you!

Lapband

So today I had a message from my cousin, and she asked if I was blogging about my lapband. I do on the Lapband web site, occasionally....so I got to thinking..maybe this would be a to help me and whomever else out there wants to read..

So from the beginning..
I had my Lap band procedure done on December 6, 2010. It took me about 1 1/2 years to get approved from the insurance company. Many hoops to jump through, some having to do with age, like seeing a cardiologist, yay heart is OK!!, some with just having insurance. From what I understand that if you have 'government issued' health insurance ,you are approved automatically. *sigh* makes no sense, perhaps another blog day..
Anyway, I had to have a sleep study, I am now the proud wearer of a C-Pap, I have the lines every morning on my cheeks from the mask. I do however have to say I sleep awesome.
There has to be proof of 3 years trying to do a weight loss program. Whether it's weight watchers, doctor's visits, medications, just PROOF. Dr's visits do help as there is full proof documentation of trying. And believe me..I TRIED. I have done Phentermine (weight loss medication) it helped curb the appetite for about 2 months, then I just felt like I was a bottomless pit, like there was no feeling of hunger, but also no feelings of full. I did exercise..alot. I loved going to Curves, but it closed down in my town..so now I just do it at home..
love my Wii.
The pre surgical diet that I was on, I lost 14 lbs in 2 weeks. I know..incredible. It is a 12oo calorie high protein diet, which is very structured. I did well..kept thinking if I had this years ago I could have lost it on my own.lol
The day of surgery, I had IV fluids, so I gained..10 lbs. YIKES. I stayed over an extra night due to the fact that I had a huge hiatal hernia with a large fatty cyst inside it. Unusual to say the least...
I came home, didn't really have any belly pain, just shoulder pain. That pain is just as bad, it's called referred pain and it's from the gas that they put in your belly during surgery so that they can see all..
After 2 weeks of purely fluids, and again it's all mapped out for you..it went well, that extra 10 went away!
I could start eating slowly, yogurt, soft foods, soups. I can make a mean yummy smoothie like no other!!

I had my first fill January 17th. They insert a tiny needle into the port and it expands the little Lap Band whichconstricts around the upper part of your stomach. they put in 2.5 cc's. I went back last week thinking since I had only lost 4 lbs in 3 weeks that they would add more, nope..they were happy with the 4. I am scheduled to go back on the 28th of Feb. I can go back sooner if I feel the need. I am eating normally really. just smaller portions...and the only thing I can't eat if fried chicken..and I LOVE fried chicken..so I settle for rotisserie and it makes me happy just the same really..

so there it is..my first blog on the Lap band..