The star..

This time of year is such a reflection for me..

It takes me back to a moment in time that is very..

very hard even to this day to talk about..

but yet..it's such a wonderful moment of time..

In our family every year, for as long as I could remember..

we would wake up on Christmas morning and just be SO excited..

giggly excited, the shaky oh my goodness what did Santa bring us

excited! so one of us..usually one of the older siblings would go down the stairs..

ever so quietly..

and turn the corner to the left..

and not even DARE, I mean close your eyes and make a scrambling run for it, and not to be blinded by God even ,moment, it was that spectacular..

Not to glance in the living room at the wonderous

sparkling, magnificent tree..

and slip around the corner to my parents bedroom..

and whisper..

Mooom...Daaaad..it's Christmas and I think Santa was here! and they would say go

wait on the stairs..and we would hear a groan and a giggle as we lined up on the stairs in order of age..yawning and shivering all excited at what could be there..

Oh the youngest was always at the bottom,

so the littlest Sweet could see the wonder of Christmas first..

I can still hear and remember an Oooooo..OOoooooo my ...and we would gasp and head for the tree..

shaking and rattling packages, brightly colored packages, blues, with silver bows, red with gold..oh it would just take your breath right away..

my dad had the movie camera and its bright lights going sometimes..to capture such a moment!

And then my brother and I would help pass out packages to their rightfull owners..

it just helped expand the shear wonderfullness of it all..

then from the youngest to oldest we would open one gift..and say OH WOW, oh look what she got and just look at your presents..debating on which to open..

and yet to be so excited for your sibling and their gifts..sharing it all..holding it all so close..

And then,,

It was December 1970..

My mother had passed away on October 7,

I was 12 at the time, my brother just 10

and then I was 13..my brother had just turned 11 at Christmas time..

We hadn't thought too much about Christmas that year, only

that it would be Christmas..it was on TV, everyone talked about it at school

of course..but at home..well we were trying..

it was cold and very snowy that year.

There weren't any cookies baked that year..

I had only just started learning to cook at 13..Not because I wanted to..

but because I had to..

Oh the tree was up..we did the best we could my brother and I..trying to hang

the ornaments just as we always had..

I remember this little set of birds..he in a tuxedo and top hat, she in a feathery dress..and rhinestones..I loved that little set of birds..and our stockings..

I can remember when they were made when Cubby was just a tiny baby..all were made

of green felt, sewed and pinking sheared along the edges, with our names in glitter on them,

I can remember shutting off the lights in the house and just sitting

in the middle of the living room floor watching the twinkling lights..

and thinking of years past..the wonder..the magic..how I wished for

magic to happen..just to go back and have it normal again..

I wanted a Christmas wish so bad, I just wanted Mama there

to just be there again..my brother and I really didn't understand much then..

no one told us she wasn't coming home from the hospital..

she just didn't..

There wern't any presents under the treethat year

..our dear Sweet father in his deep heart breaking grief,

.....had kind of forgotten about Christmas that year..but we were brave about it..

we knew that somehow..just somehow Santa wouldn't forget ..it would be ok..

And then it was Christmas Eve ..

and it was such a snowy December, there was alot of snow on the rooftops, and I kept thinking to myself..remember the magic..just remember, never forget what Christmas is..and was to us.

My bedroom was behind my brothers..on the second floor,

so I was to the north end of the house,

he to the south,

and then I woke up to a sparkling light...

I blinked..

and blinked again..

it looked like magic outside..

I crept into Cubby's room..

and woke him up..

I whispered.....Cubby look..just look..

and we opened his window..

and pulled in the screen..

and craned our necks. our blond heads hanging out that second floor window..

the air so crisp..so cold...

....we could see..we could see...

the most wonderous sparkling star..

and we both just gasped..and looked in wonder..

And we both just knew that Mama had sent us that star that year..

and in the morning...

we both woke up..

and in the tree..

were 2 envelopes..

each with our names on them..

with little pictures of bikes..

and skates..just what we wanted..with a note that the gifts would be a bit late this year..

and left with so much love by a greiving father that did remember that year..

it's one neither my brother or I will ever forget..